ok so i kinda figure it out
this is what you need to do to compile into php your own extension
./buildconf
./configure [--enable|--with]-your_module
make all
make install
but before you do these steps which i ommited that cause the problem was
in the ext directory
you have to run
./ext_kel --extname-your_module
and the files must be in the current directory
what this does it creates a makefile,etc
Hope this helps those that are/had problems compiling their own modules