You only need the dos window open if you are running apache on win9x or me. If you are running it on any other version of windows then it will run as a service and therefore be running all the time.
In answer to your question, ucbones about the icon in the systray, all i can think of is for you to use an older version of apache, i.e. one that doesnt come with the systray icon (I think thats anything older than v2.x)