when was the last time you went : DOH!!!

[piersk]

Originally posted by dalecosp
Just spent about 45 minutes hacking away with eregi(), str_replace() and explode() to isolate meta tags from remote URL's.

I know this is off-topic, but why would you want to do this?

[Moonglobe]

one would want to do such a thing generally for a search engine. ever wonder how Google get's the keywords and description of a site? i don't believe they use PHP, but getmetatags() would work perfectly for them.

[dalecosp]

Originally posted by Moonglobe
one would want to do such a thing generally for a search engine. ever wonder how Google get's the keywords and description of a site? i don't believe they use PHP, but getmetatags() would work perfectly for them.

Got it! Some guy in General Help (or Newbies? hmm..) was asking if anyone new of a PHP spider; he wanted it for his own site, but wanted to parse genuine HTTP output because he used so many includes()...

I decided to take some header code I had picked up recently and mod it to do the task...am I definitely becoming a @#$@#$%^ geek, because I spent all that time absolutely absorbed in it when I've got paying clients with work to do... 🙂

[Weedpacket]

Originally posted by Moonglobe
one would want to do such a thing generally for a search engine. ever wonder how Google get's the keywords and description of a site? i don't believe they use PHP, but getmetatags() would work perfectly for them.

Many search engines ignore meta tags, because of the tendency of some operators to bloat them with keywords in an attempt to get a high score with the search engines. If I recall, there has been a certain amount of wailing and gnashing of teeth because a certain company padded out their pages with (let's face it, utterly useless) wodges of keywords in their meta tags chosen from one of their competitor's web sites - the intention being of course to have a higher score on any key words that might other wise push the competitor up the list.

So quite a few engines only examine the content of a page. I understand some even attempt to look at font sizes and fore- and background colours, in case page writers were just shovelling a big wodge of 1-pt white-on-white text into their index page and download times bedamned.

Google have on top of that a fairly fancy page ranking system, in which indexed pages are rated by how many highly-ranked pages link to them.

[crosbystillsnas]

i had a hosted server at a big geman company, including php, mysql and things one needs. the database was the heart of my web including tables with prices, requests, bills....
trying -i am doing cd/dvd production- to use gdlib for designing cds online, i found a rusty version (with gif support) full of bugs, not supporting true color images.
i asked the hoster to have an upgrade on this, but they said they are not planning to do so...
i was annoyed after the 4th call, when i decided to quit that server. it was really comfortable to do 'grade down' to a smaller version online:
-> 'click here and your request will be sent'
-> [click]
-> 'thanks...blablabla... your database has been dropped'

yes, i was also wondering why i did not think of that before.
fact is i did not. and fact is, that there was no backup. all dropped and deleted. i was really close to fire myself.

[Weedpacket]

Once upon a time...

When I was more of what I now wish I was when I wished I were what I am...

I was setting up a new machine. All the ceremony: OS install, christening, servers, etc. The DBMS was PostgreSQL. Thing about PostgreSQL was that - to avoid some (hypothetical) exploits, it would refuse to run as root. As it turned out, that was not quite correct. I had it running; it was inserting, updating, and selecting all quite happily. I didn't know that the configuration had been botched (subtle shift to passive voice, there).

A couple of weeks passed. All was quiet. Too quiet. Then, infant mortality saw one of the hard drive's power cables burn out. Not a problem: it had a RAID system, so another drive was already on the case. Everything kept running. But really, we did have to fix the machine. So we did a controlled shutdown, powered the machine off, and did a bit of surgery. Fired the beast back up ... and found all the databases had vanished. Because of the fouled configuration, PostgreSQL had been refusing to write anything to its data files - it had been holding the entire contents of all the databases in core (except for binaries, which were being stored in the filesystem and hence were written to disk, RAIDed, and backed up). But we all know what happens to the contents of core memory when the power is shut off....

[mzanimephp]

I got a letter from my credit card people, but usually I wait until I have the money before even opening those kind of letters. Because they usually are just bills all the time so why not?

So... a few months later, I finally decided to open that letter.

But to my surprise it wasn't a bill at all, it was a $90.00 refund check, because I have paid them too much! But by now, the check was long expired. :mad:

[The_Chancer]

Just got back from holidays - 4 weeks of nice cold Australian weather.... to find out that in his great wisdom, our IT Manager had upgraded the server to Win 2K adv, but forgot to copy over the enquiry system and database that was resting on it...

<sigh>

Why didn't he listen when I said "Don't do it until I get back!" ?? Who knows - shame it was the only proper working copy and I hadn't backed it up for about 2 months... D'oh by me and D'oh by him....

Now gets backed up daily to tape and external USB drive.... no reason not to be very cautious now...

[Merve]

Originally posted by Weedpacket
Many search engines ignore meta tags, because of the tendency of some operators to bloat them with keywords in an attempt to get a high score with the search engines. If I recall, there has been a certain amount of wailing and gnashing of teeth because a certain company padded out their pages with (let's face it, utterly useless) wodges of keywords in their meta tags chosen from one of their competitor's web sites - the intention being of course to have a higher score on any key words that might other wise push the competitor up the list.

So quite a few engines only examine the content of a page. I understand some even attempt to look at font sizes and fore- and background colours, in case page writers were just shovelling a big wodge of 1-pt white-on-white text into their index page and download times bedamned.

Google have on top of that a fairly fancy page ranking system, in which indexed pages are rated by how many highly-ranked pages link to them.

Google is all well and good, but you can't make a computer understand anything. I searched for the words 'freak society' in AltaVista and Kart00 and got my site as the second or third result, but in Google, I went through six pages of results and gave up. I went to another so-called freak society website and all I saw was gross pictures...it makes my website seem normal! (and it's not actually a really good site because it's hosted on a crappy server with PHP 4.1.2 and my web design skills are also quite crappy and it's also under construction and it'll never be finished).

Anyway, I just don't feel like using Google anymore. It's good to find something quickly, but to research a topic in depth, Kart00 is much better (www.kartoo.com).

As for the last time I went 'DOH!' it was when I tripped over an exercise machine and hit my head on a wooden table while trying to search for a ping-pong ball.

[bad76]

This is my last
time when i said "DOH!"

🙁

/me going around whipping me and asking forgiveness 😃

[jayant]

I am used to deleting stuff keep the shift key pressed (so it deletes directly and does not go to recycle bin)

you must have guess by know what happened. I did that to my project.
managed to recover most of it, thanks to norton utilities, else it would have had been "mega doh" :p

[dalecosp]

Originally posted by bad76
This is my last
time when i said "DOH!"

🙁

/me going around whipping me and asking forgiveness 😃

No, NO, il mio buon amico! It was my fault!!! LOL! 😃 😃

[dartcol]

To understand how much of a doh! this you need to read this thread first.

So...there I was stuck with a blank page in front of me messing about with all kinds of files and puzzling the hell out of poor dalecosp (thanks for staying in there 🙂 ).
I went to this site and followed the advice and hey presto I was back where I had been before. With a brand new Apache server, mysql and php with all the bits in the right place and all the config files and ini files altered.
Up comes Mozilla. To localhost and ... a blank page.
A fleeting thought suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't set up my database for my local CMS ... clouds gathered .... You see two days ago I did a complete format of my C: drive.

Oops!

I had forgotten to back it up before formatting. Doh! Bang head against desk multiple times.
After returning to my senses this then made me consider what I'd actually written in the index.html script.

Erm, wasn't there a header.php there?
Yes.
[I go to header.php.]
Ah! mylinks_connect(); I must have made a function to ... (faltering voice) erm, what's that connect to?
The DB?
What happens if it can't connect to the DB?
[I check script.]

function mylinks_connect() {
	$link = @mysql_connect('localhost', 'user', 'pass');
	if (!$link)
		exit();
	if (!mysql_select_db('mylinks'))
		exit();
}

Ah! It exits ... considerable banging of my head against the desk and crying on my wife's shoulder ensued.

DOH! BAKA! DOH! BAKA! DOH! BAKA!
:o :o :o :o

Who said I can't see the wood for the trees? Now, what can I use to build a fire with ...

[n00854180t]

If my wife knew anything about PHP she would never let me hear the end of something like that.

[Moonglobe]

Originally posted by dartcol
To understand how much of a doh! this you need to read this thread first.

So...there I was stuck with a blank page in front of me messing about with all kinds of files and puzzling the hell out of poor dalecosp (thanks for staying in there 🙂 ).
I went to this site and followed the advice and hey presto I was back where I had been before. With a brand new Apache server, mysql and php with all the bits in the right place and all the config files and ini files altered.
Up comes Mozilla. To localhost and ... a blank page.
A fleeting thought suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't set up my database for my local CMS ... clouds gathered .... You see two days ago I did a complete format of my C: drive.

Oops!

I had forgotten to back it up before formatting. Doh! Bang head against desk multiple times.
After returning to my senses this then made me consider what I'd actually written in the index.html script.

Erm, wasn't there a header.php there?
Yes.
[I go to header.php.]
Ah! mylinks_connect(); I must have made a function to ... (faltering voice) erm, what's that connect to?
The DB?
What happens if it can't connect to the DB?
[I check script.]

function mylinks_connect() {
	$link = @mysql_connect('localhost', 'user', 'pass');
	if (!$link)
		exit();
	if (!mysql_select_db('mylinks'))
		exit();
}

Ah! It exits ... considerable banging of my head against the desk and crying on my wife's shoulder ensued.

DOH! BAKA! DOH! BAKA! DOH! BAKA!
:o :o :o :o

Who said I can't see the wood for the trees? Now, what can I use to build a fire with ... [/B]

dartcol i feel sooooo sorry for you 😃

[dalecosp]

Oh no!! At least we know we're not crazy...and that we're all human (for anyone who was curious).

I'll send you a mysqldump file to rebuild your db ... you want the a]fireworks shopping cart, the b] police uniforms or c] my meaningless opinions and technical drivel?

[Moonglobe]

i'd probably take C...........

[LordShryku]

Yeah, I'm with Moonglobe. I'll take C. At least I'm already used to that 😃 😃

Let's see...last time I went 'Doh!'....about 2 hours ago when I was forced to turn a completely good Red Hat server into a Windows 2003 Server....

[Moonglobe]

Originally posted by LordShryku
Yeah, I'm with Moonglobe. I'll take C. At least I'm already used to that 😃 😃

Let's see...last time I went 'Doh!'....about 2 hours ago when I was forced to turn a completely good Red Hat server into a Windows 2003 Server....

aaaaaw man. that sucks. just out of curiosity, how is WS2k3? never had to deal with it....

[Weedpacket]

Mmmm.... Police Uniforms .....

/me gets a loofa and a can of whipped cream ready.