My first problem was Apache was not loading the php5 module and would not start. I tried running php from its directory (D:\web\php) and it gave an error about iconv.dll not being found (even though the iconv extension is not enabled in the php.ini I placed in c:\windows).. so I copied iconv.dll to my system32 directory and now php runs, and Apache at least loads the php5 module. However, now it crashes instead of refusing to load.
eg, from the command prompt I go into the Apache2/bin directory and type apache (W/o `'s) and it brings up one of those retarded windows error messages.
Note that I copied the php4ts.dll into Windows, System, and System32 as well as the sapi directory in PHP. It seems that various installation guides tell various places so I put it in all of them. I have tried removing them from all but System or System32, too.
LoadModule php5_module "d:\web\php\sapi\php4apache2.dll"
AddType application/x-httpd-php .php .phtml
AddType application/x-httpd-php-source .phps
is what is in my httpd.conf file.
And yes, I have searched... nothing seems to match this exact issue, though. I uninstalled previous versions of Apache and removed other PHP installations.