You would have to have action script handle the flash side, and you would most likely post what button(s) you want highlited via the URL. Then you would have to use javascript to embed the source, and create a param value.
Check up on Macromedia.com about FlashVars.
http://www.macromedia.com/cfusion/knowledgebase/index.cfm?id=tn_16417
BTW: You can google FlashVars +PHP and get a crap load of tuts for this.
And if you need help with the flash side, and you can't get over to FlashKit, I would suggest Flash-DB as they have a very active board, and some great tutorials.
~Brett