You need to run a MTA. Really.
You can't direct-deliver or use a relay that you don't control- you won't have enough control over delivery and bounces if you do that.
Presumably you're going to run all of this on Unix (if you don't, it's more silly). You should use the -f option to sendmail to supply a return-path mail for the outgoing messages. This is where the bounces will go.
There is absolutely no way of getting errors in real time, because delivery attempts may fail (possibly for days) and the MTA will retry. However, once the bounces do arrive you can process them, perhaps by creating a special mailbox which pipes its messages through a program.
Mark