Ok - put this in a file and refresh it a few times. I haven't made an insert function out of it, but you should be able to do that easily enough.
<?php
// open this file for reading and writing
$fp = fopen(__FILE__, 'r+');
// seek past the <?php
fseek($fp, 5, SEEK_SET);
// copy the rest of the file (lazy way)
$temp = fread($fp, 1000000);
// after <?php again
fseek($fp, 5, SEEK_SET);
// stupid comment insert
fwrite($fp, "\n // Hadoken! Bless you, it's ".date('r') . $temp);
// shut that door
fclose($fp);
// let's look at this file after the insert.
highlight_file(__FILE__);
?>
EDIT: You might have a problem with file permissions if you're running on a 'real' server. If so the change the permission of the file or the directory it's in to 0777.