Hey, thanks for the help.
I've been playing around with your suggestions. Here's what I've found so far:
Your second bit, with the RewriteConds, almost works perfectly. The only problem is it rewrites everything to lowercase. So, for example, if I try to go to ABCD.mysite.org, it gets rewritten as www.mysite.org/index.php?page=abcd, which broke my code. So I patched my code to case-desensitize it, and now that works fine.
The first part doesn't work for me, but I haven't yet done anything more than plug it in. When I get time, I'll have to study up on regex and see what I can do with it.
Thanks for the help.