Ah, Senatorlaw, you provided me with quite a bit of amusement. You excel at what I call "going into drama" or "embracing drama", and it's so unnecessary, silly and counterproductive that I can't help laughing when I see people do this. But it's also possible to stop doing so, and I hope this post will provide you with some help.
The main thing is "not reacting to content" (that's a link - it's clickable, but I'd wait with that until you're done reading this post), as people like Eckhart Tolle and Daniel Ingram express it. It means that you should not let your emotions or thoughts rule you. You should generally pay them no more attention (unless you need to think to solve a programming problem, find your car keys etc) than you would pay attention to rain.
To be very clear here, just because it rains, there is no reason to get upset and go down an ever increasing torrent of emotion and thought. If it rains, you should get wet, no more, no less. You may move inside or take out an umbrella if you have those options, but becoming irritated etc is just pointless. I do hope you understand this, because that's exactly the same thing as went wrong for you in this thread.
Senatorlaw;10985980 wrote:
When you gave your previous answer, I really didn't understand what you meant. I didn't realize you offered a link as well.
When you have little knowledge, and lack understanding in an area, it's downright stupid to assume that someone else is NOT providing you with the correct knowledge to gain the needed understanding. After all, you don't know what the hell you're talking about, and even less what they are talking about.
And let's assume he WAS wrong, just for the sake of it. That doesn't mean he can't be correct the next time, or once he's spent another couple of days, weeks, years... learning to code. At which point he may help you. Or more importantly, other people!
Also, him being wrong can also be a good thing when it comes to finding and fixing bugs. At least you have now excluded on part, and it's only all the others that remain.
Your reply actually risks making someone stop trying to help others. That's not a world I'd like to live in myself, but I don't really believe in making lifestyle choices for others. So if that's a world you'd like to live in, be my guest and go ahead behaving as you've done so far.
I would however like to ask you, or rather implore you, to continue reading, and hopefully understand what it is you accomplish by behaving the way you do. Because, since I don't want to live in such a world, I'd very much prefer if you weren't actively shaping our world in that direction.
Senatorlaw;10985980 wrote:
I wasn't trying to burn any bridges, I just wanted to get to the point.
Get to WHAT point exactly?
You were rude and condescending. Also, it's comical and ironic that you post code containing errors, then ***** about one single error someone made when helping you out some other time. Moreover, that error may not even have been connected to your original error, thus both helping you out with your current problem, and providing you with an opportunity to learn from the other person's misstake.
Also, do note that when it comes to people, there is little connection between what you are trying to do and what you actually achieve unless you scrutinize your own reactions, communication and behaviour, while also keeping very strict focus on WHOM you're interacting with.
This is how PHP would explain it to you
FATAL ERROR: Not wanting to burn a bridge while effectively burning it, in reptile brain.
You should error log it and get cracking at bug fixing it.
Senatorlaw;10985980 wrote:
It worked as far as I can tell because what I said seemed to get you to explain it to me like a 3rd grader. That's what I need here. People learn in different ways. My way is rather counter intuitive. So I sincerely apologize if I sounded condescending or disrespectful. Maybe I could have just asked to explain it a little better, but I've never gotten anywhere without honesty.
Damn straight about honesty. The problem is that you weren't honest at all! And like you've experienced before, it gets you nowhere. You count NOW understanding the help he initially gave you as a gain, but really take a look at what you've lost! Calling this "working as far as you can tell" either means you fail to see the implications, or that you are trying to fool yourself so that you don't have to feel bad.
But the thing is, you don't have to feel bad at all. Stop being in the past, and stop being in the future. Stay in the now. Should there ever come another "now" where these things occur, you just do things another way the next time, and all will be good. In this particular instance though, it was a complete loss - UNLESS you take this lesson to heart.
Sheldon (from Big Bang Theory) claimed Einstein defined insanity as "Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results".
Honesty in this case would have been expressing that you did not understand the answer and failed to see how it relate to your problem. THAT way you would have gotten somewhere, and not only this time, but also the next. It's also very likely not just brad who are unwilling to help you in the future. Other people seeing someone take swings at people trying to help out are also very likely to drop you like a bad habit.
Senatorlaw;10985980 wrote:
If I'm frustrated, I tend to express it.
Being honest is good, but this is just stupid. Your frutstration has (well, should have) no impact on anyone else, and noone else cares (well, should care) about it.
The most sad thing is that neither should you. I recommend that you start working on bringing your petty emotions under control instead of being ruled by them.
This is directly related to "not reacting to content" that I talked about at the beginning of this post.
Senatorlaw;10985980 wrote:
I did try my best not to insult you though.
Well, there's some wisdom to be had everywhere. In this case, Star Wars
Yoda wrote:
No! Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.
Senatorlaw;10985980 wrote:
Not everyone sees everything the same.
Now here's some insight of value. Try using this insight the next time, but instead of keeping the perspective turned on other people, apply it to yourself instead!
Senatorlaw;10985980 wrote:
I didn't see what you could see. I needed you to explain it so I could see it too. I can't learn unless I understand.
Which, once again, is what you should have communicated. When you fail, don't tell other people they failed. When others fail, help them do what they're supposed to instead of only telling them they failed.
If you are still reading, and are able to keep your emotions and thoughts in check this time, you may notice that this is what I am doing. I am providing you with the help you need to be able to achieve what you want in the future. Just like you should have helped brad to achieve what he wanted to do (which was helping you).
Senatorlaw;10985980 wrote:
On a more important note, I'm going to try to apply what I've learned here for future reference.
Nobody really cares if you try or not. A good place to start achieving rather than trying is to state: "I'm going to apply what I've learned here in the future".
Another excellent choice here is to add a "Thank you". You actually did continue to get help, even if it may have been the last time. On the other hand, if you had shown that you had allready changed, rather than trying to change, you might have surprised people enough that they'd change their minds and keep helping you (although don't generally count on someone changing their minds after saying "Never again" - which is why you shouldn't use the word never. It tends to get you stuck places where you may not want to be in the future).
Senatorlaw;10985980 wrote:
Don't think I'm not listening when you speak.
Well, NOW you are. Before, you really really weren't. I hope you slap yourself on the back for this improvement! It's a step forward. And no, I'm not being sarcastic - I am genuinley happy about this fact 🙂
Also, you may believe you have offered an apology with your latest post, but you really havn't. You have tried providing explanations and reasons for your behaviour, and that is nothing other than "placing blame on curcumstances". As such, all you are saying is that you are a victim of these cirumstances and that you have no control over your own actions and behaviour. I might accept that from a 2-year-old, or from someone in a mental institution, but never from someone who wishes to call themself human.
There are no explanations, reasons or places to put blame, other than "yourself".
To be really clear on this point however, that's perfectly fine. Even continuing to behave like you have done so far is perfectly fine, just be very careful about making this an active choice. Do not once again become a victim of "circumstances".
Post too long, continued in the next one
