Look, I'm obviously doing something wrong. Granted. This mess is caused by changes I have made to my system since I installed the distro. Granted. And I'm no linux guru. Granted.
But on the other hand, I'm not a total neophyte. I've used computers for years, in consumer and technical environments.
And I simply cannot get this thing going. I have done research - dozens, perhaps hundreds of searches, with error messages, keywords, whatever came to mind. You'll notice I did solve one hurdle, adding a reference to -lz in the Makefile. Since then, I've discovered that adding --with-zlib to the command line is equally functional.
Then, a second hurdle - after upgrading Perl to 5.6.1, Apache installations left the shebang lines in the bin scripts to #!replace/this/line/with/perl/path. That one, again, took research. But I solved it, more by tracking the error messages than by postings.
Then, after everything looks like it's working properly, and I have painstakingly followed every instruction, and read all the READMEs and INSTALLs and whatever else, I find that Apache is simply not using the PHP module. It does something with it, because without compiling PHP with -zlib, Apache will not load it. But still, Apache will not parse/render PHP pages, and on 404 error pages does not mention PHP in the bottom left corner.
Am I frustrated? Yes. Is this my fault? To some extent. Is this also a symptom of a piece of crap software? Yes. Is this considered normal for our beloved linux? Yes. Is that then a reflection on the quality of linux? I think so, and I can bloody well say so.
So take your preaching, and go to hell.